Beginner’s Guide to Bondage
You just finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey, and now you want to explore the art of bondage! You have multiple questions. What exactly is BDSM? How do I convince my partner to participate in bondage sex play? How do I use bondage sex toys? In this article, we will demystify the concept of ‘bondage’, and provide explanations and guidance on incorporating bondage into your love life.
What is BDSM?
BDSM stands for Bondage, Discipline / Domination, Submission / Sadism, and Masochism. What exactly does this mean? Essentially BDSM is a variety of erotic practices that involves various aspects of bondage roleplaying. The key aspects of BDSM includes domination and submission – most role-playing involves one person being the dominator and the other person acting in a subservient role.
Safety and Trust
If you want to begin experimenting with bondage, it is important to discuss your desires with your partner. One needs to be sure that both parties are comfortable with the concept of bondage. It could be possible that your partner is not keen or knowledgeable about bondage. In this situation, both partners should research BDSM by viewing some videos on the topic or reading erotic fiction. Additionally, one needs to eliminate misconceptions about bondage – it is not all about whips and chains. Bondage can vary in its degree of experimentation. It can start out with small steps such as using a blindfold and handcuffs and then move on to using sex swings and wearing fetish wear.
There needs to be safety and trust for both parties when experimenting with bondage. There needs to be consent from both partners before engaging in bondage oriented activities. Furthermore, before sex play starts, one needs to develop roles, scenarios and limitations. Couples should discuss what fantasies they which to fulfill and how they will go about it. For example, one person may want to play the role of a dominant doctor that ties up his subservient nurse! Once the fantasy has been discussed, limitations should be reviewed. For example, a ‘safe word’ to stop the scenario can be suggested – in this manner, one person can state this ‘safe word’ to indicate that they want to stop the fantasy.
Bondage
Let’s review key aspects of BDSM starting with bondage. Typically bondage involves some form of resistance combined with physical and/or mental discipline. For beginners, handcuffs and blindfolds usually play a key role in bondage play. There are various type of handcuffs on the market – beginners should start with fuzzy handcuffs that can be more comfortable than metal handcuffs. The ideal way to start bondage play is to have one partner tie-up or handcuff the other partner. Handcuffs can be placed on hands behind the back or one can be handcuffed to the bed. Then putting a blindfold on the tied-up person will surely add a spark to the fantasy!
Discipline
Discipline is usually involved in bondage games. Some aspects of discipline can include spanking, flogging, and using a paddle or a whip. At the beginners level, whips should be avoided – instead start with just hand spanking and progress from there is both partners are comfortable.
Domination & Submission
Domination involves exerting one’s power over another person. Submission is the same principle expect that the subservient individual is the one the follows or ‘obeys’. The degree of domination and submission can vary from mild to very strong. However, it should be noted that domination and submission is a form of role playing that only works if both parties are comfortable with the degree of domination/submission involved. For example, one can perform domination on their partner through handcuffs and flogging him or her with a paddle – however, it may not be appropriate to perform domination with chains and whips unless both individuals are comfortable with the scenario and degree of physical pain that is arousing.
A big part of bondage is the mental aspect of role playing. So although domination and submission involves some form of physicality, it also involves mental restrain that can be very stimulating.
Domination and submission usually involves powerplay and petplay or ageplay. Powerplay is when the dominant decides what the submissive is allowed to do, such as when they are allowed to cum or climax during sex. Petplay occurs when the submissive takes the role of a pet such as a cat or puppy, while ageplay involves an extreme age relationship roleplay such as a dad with a little girl.
Sadism and Masochism
So what exactly is sadism and masochism? Sadomasochism is the art of getting pleasure from either receiving or inflicting pain. Now you might be wondering, why in the world would anyone want to receive or administer pain? Well there is such a thing a bad or good pain. One may not like the pain of falling down and hurting one’s back, but one may enjoy getting spanked lightly on the back with a whip. In the same manner the person inflicting the pain is living out a domination fantasy. Essentially, sadism and masochism is a form of mental arousal.
Final Thoughts
BDSM is an exciting adventure, although at first it can seem a bit intimidating. As such, we recommend that you gradually explore the world of bondage – you do not want to get in over your head and become overwhelmed and apprehensive. Start with purchasing some handcuffs, a mask and tickler and experiment with your partner. If you and your partner enjoy the experience then move up to using gags, whips, fetish clothing and a sex swing! BDSM can be an amazing experience and a wonderful addition to your sex life. Start slowly and enjoy the experience. Once you get accustomed to light bondage, you can could then explore other aspects of bondage such as domination, submission, sadism and masochism.